Even in the Difficult Times
By Carol Luttah
I learned about missions at a church in Nairobi that was led by missionaries from the USA who served in Kenya for many years. While attending that church, I became a born-again believer. The church sent out local missionaries to other parts of the country, and I got to interact with some of them. I remember thinking that their lives were complex and that nothing about their appearance made mission work appealing.
Because God has a sense of humour, I ended up in missions. One very convincing missionary came to Nairobi preaching reverse mission, which is the movement of missionaries from non-Western countries (the global south)—particularly Africa, Latin America, and Asia—to developed countries (the global north). It is a reversal of the historical trend in which missionaries left Europe and the Americas to evangelise the colonial and Third World.
This missionary urged the African church to get out of its comfort zone and go to the ends of the earth to share the love of Christ in places where Christianity is on the decline. That caught my attention. I agreed to go and ended up in Papua New Guinea—not quite the destination I was hoping for. But who can twist the arm of God? Not me, certainly.
One of the most important lessons I learned is that praying and studying God’s Word is the top priority. God guides me through the Word and strengthens me through prayer. God also equips; I have learned a great deal during my time here, like that God does not send the equipped but rather equips those he sends. When I arrived, I was so naïve, with the best of intentions to make literacy materials available to all. But I had a steep learning curve.
I learned to trust God’s Word, and his past faithfulness became an anchor for me, because it was only by trusting in God that I was able to manage the organisation, Christian Books Melanesia, through great and challenging times.
Of course, while I was raised to do the best and excel at what I am focused on, I often felt incapacitated with fear that I would fail! God used this to remind me that failure is a part of life, which is why I needed to depend entirely on him. Just because some things went terribly wrong did not make me a failure, but instead made me a bit wiser. I read somewhere that when God sends us, he has already accounted for everything, including our foolishness. Sometimes failure is what we need in order to know how not to do something. I failed at so many things, but they taught me just as much.
Added to the fear of failure was also anxiety, an unwelcome companion until the very end, mainly due to the tough events that occurred during my time. Every turn I took, I was so convinced that drama was queuing up. When one was over, the following one checked in. I was constantly anxious and afraid. I had to solve problems daily, yet some solutions turned out terribly, and I had to live with them.
Then there was the struggle to fit in and adjust—I felt lonely. When I was finally able to develop friendships, most were not meaningful. Thankfully, I ended up with a handful of amazing friends who made my time count. And I learned to enjoy the moments. It was hard at first, but once I caught the drift, I revelled in every good moment, accepted last-minute invites, and just lived. I still knew that bad things could happen—and these are especially tough when you are far from family and friends. But I learned to downplay unwelcome situations—not ignore them, just not dwell on them.
In all these things, God never left my side. Even when I felt abandoned by him some days, he was always there. God always sent helpers and ministering angels to make work and life more pleasant. God’s work done God’s way brings contentment and joy. There are such high moments that lead to praising God. Seeing the work of my hands appreciated by the community was a better reward for all that went with managing the mission.
A few things I wish I knew before stepping out:
1. Expectations and reality are worlds apart! My expectations were shattered time and time again, but I absolutely refused to lower them. In hindsight, I should have been flexible.
2. The honeymoon phase wears out so fast—like a bullet train.
3. Just because I was ‘working for the LORD’, life was not going to be easier. Oh dear!
4. I would attract more haters than friends. This is a shocker! I am still coming to terms with it.
5. My mission wasn’t just to the local people, but to the expat community as well, so I had cultural clashes every so often.
6. It is okay to have fun. I recalled the boring-looking missionaries I had seen and felt I needed to be like them to be a real missionary, including how I dressed.
7. Unrealised dreams or lack of tangible impact in mission is a likely possibility, but that does not mean God was not working in the lives of the people or my own.
8. Financial support does not always come when it is needed, but by God’s grace, the little that came through stretched far.
I found strength in God’s Word because—as mentioned earlier—there was no breakthrough without God’s Word and prayer. I had to share my prayer needs vulnerably with others. The go-to passages that sustained me include: Job 23:10; Job 42:2; Psalm 25:1-3; Isaiah 41:10; Isaiah 43:2; Isaiah 58:11; Micah 7:8; John 16:33; Romans 8:28-30; James 1:2-4.
For anyone deciding whether to go to a mission field, one critical question to ask before taking the next step is, “Did God call me, or did I call myself?” Depending on how you answer this, you will know which way to go.